ANCESTRY
Ancestry is one's family or ethnic descent. Approximately 12 years ago I experience a life altering experience. What I experienced, I would never wish upon anyone. And, I say that with all my soul. It was the type of experience that can lead many to unfathomable consequences. I believe, that what helped me get through this chapter in my life was that I am enlightened. Not enlightened in a religious way, because I am not religious, but in a spiritual way. Let me start off with a little background and curiosity that from the age of reason, about 7 years old, has plagued me. My mother, father and 3 older siblings immigrated from Cuba in the mid 50's to escape the Castro/Batista revolution. Myself and two other siblings were fortunate to be born and raised in New York City. So, in total there were 6 siblings. Growing up with my siblings, I always felt something was not right. To start, from a physical perspective I did not "fit in." I was a lot taller than the rest of my sibling and I had an olive complexion and dark eyes whereas, my parents and siblings were very light skinned and short. My father, had beautiful light blue eyes. My siblings as aforementioned, were much shorter compared to me and as we grew older, the distinction was more obvious. One of my older sisters also inherited my father's blue eyes, so I always had a suspicion that something was not right. It wasn't that I felt unloved because by all accounts I was my father's "favorite," it was just deeper than that. It didn't help that I did not have a close relationship with my mother while growing up. I'm not sure if it was because I was, at least from an appearance perspective very different looking than the rest of my siblings. Maybe my suspicions and inquisitive nature was an issue with her or perhaps it could have been some sort of guilt from her perspective. However, I did have a deep loving relationship with my father. So, about 12 years ago, I was having a conversation with my older brother and out of the blue, I asked him, if he knew who my biological father was? Looking back, I don't know why at that particular moment I asked him that, I can only conclude that since I believe in the law of attraction, and, since I have had a suspicion about who my biological father might be for a very long time, that the law of attraction was answering my question.
To my surprise, my brother's answer was, "I thought you knew." He followed it up with saying that he really didn't know and continued to tell me unfavorable stories of my mother's infidelities in Cuba when he was a little boy. I am not sure if I can ever put into words my feelings. My life changed in an instance. The physical and emotional pain was unbearable. I felt isolated and lost. I felt a void down the center of my soul. The beautiful memories I had about my father picking me up after school when I was little and taking me for a butter sprinkled cookie at our favorite bakery called "Cake Masters," seemed all fake. How can the man who raised me, who I had a great relationship with, not be my biological father? How can the man who as a kid I always wanted to go to work with and wanted to always be with, not be my biological father? How can the man who I remember holding my hand to protect me from the concrete and steel jungle, while I was innocently hopping around the city, not be my biological father? I had many questions and some serious issues to deal with. The psychological pain at times was simply unbearable. After some deep self reflection, I decided to let go and forgive my mother. Not that she needed my forgiveness but, it was a process that I needed to do for my sanity. Looking back, I was really forgiving myself. Once I got to that point, all the anger, confusion and, pain went away and I was able to actually establish a relationship with my mother towards the end of her life. I stopped judging her and looking instead for all the good in her. That was a game changer. I decided to look at myself and how grateful I was that she was my mother because without her, I would not be here writing this article and passing on my experiences to you the reader.
While I was in my endeavor to find who my biological father was, I jointed ancestry.com and it created for me more questions than answers. I was getting contact information on all sorts of individuals from areas around the world that I never knew existed. So I decided to abandon my quest to determine who my biological father was. I decided that the only father I ever had and the only father I'll ever love was the man who raised me. The man who was small by stature but enormous in character. The man who taught me how to be a man. The man I called "Pipo," which is a loving term of endearment that Cubans use to refer to their fathers. Life continues along doing what life does. It is incumbent upon us, individually, to live a prosperous loving, complete life. Bumps on the road of life are just bumps. They make us all stronger. We have the power and ability and obligation to live a fabulous life. You hear some individuals say that suffering on earth is admirable because we will all get rewarded in the afterlife. Don't buy that. That is absolutely false. Life on earth is supposed to be beautiful. But, you have the power to mold it like a sculpture. So what are you waiting for? I leave you with a quote on point.
"If there is any immortality to be had among us human beings, it is certainly only in the love that we leave behind. Fathers like mine don't ever die."
Leo Buscaglia
Just a thought.
To my surprise, my brother's answer was, "I thought you knew." He followed it up with saying that he really didn't know and continued to tell me unfavorable stories of my mother's infidelities in Cuba when he was a little boy. I am not sure if I can ever put into words my feelings. My life changed in an instance. The physical and emotional pain was unbearable. I felt isolated and lost. I felt a void down the center of my soul. The beautiful memories I had about my father picking me up after school when I was little and taking me for a butter sprinkled cookie at our favorite bakery called "Cake Masters," seemed all fake. How can the man who raised me, who I had a great relationship with, not be my biological father? How can the man who as a kid I always wanted to go to work with and wanted to always be with, not be my biological father? How can the man who I remember holding my hand to protect me from the concrete and steel jungle, while I was innocently hopping around the city, not be my biological father? I had many questions and some serious issues to deal with. The psychological pain at times was simply unbearable. After some deep self reflection, I decided to let go and forgive my mother. Not that she needed my forgiveness but, it was a process that I needed to do for my sanity. Looking back, I was really forgiving myself. Once I got to that point, all the anger, confusion and, pain went away and I was able to actually establish a relationship with my mother towards the end of her life. I stopped judging her and looking instead for all the good in her. That was a game changer. I decided to look at myself and how grateful I was that she was my mother because without her, I would not be here writing this article and passing on my experiences to you the reader.
While I was in my endeavor to find who my biological father was, I jointed ancestry.com and it created for me more questions than answers. I was getting contact information on all sorts of individuals from areas around the world that I never knew existed. So I decided to abandon my quest to determine who my biological father was. I decided that the only father I ever had and the only father I'll ever love was the man who raised me. The man who was small by stature but enormous in character. The man who taught me how to be a man. The man I called "Pipo," which is a loving term of endearment that Cubans use to refer to their fathers. Life continues along doing what life does. It is incumbent upon us, individually, to live a prosperous loving, complete life. Bumps on the road of life are just bumps. They make us all stronger. We have the power and ability and obligation to live a fabulous life. You hear some individuals say that suffering on earth is admirable because we will all get rewarded in the afterlife. Don't buy that. That is absolutely false. Life on earth is supposed to be beautiful. But, you have the power to mold it like a sculpture. So what are you waiting for? I leave you with a quote on point.
"If there is any immortality to be had among us human beings, it is certainly only in the love that we leave behind. Fathers like mine don't ever die."
Leo Buscaglia
Just a thought.